Choose those who choose you
Choosing the right individuals to form healthy, lasting friendships and
partnerships can be challenging. I put a lot of time and effort into
relationships to discover that they weren't for me. So, how do you choose who
will choose you?
In choosing the person who chooses you, it's important to be conscious of who
you are—who you are and how you connect with others.
It is also important to be aware of the people in your life, including why
they are there and the functions they provide.
With that in mind, let's look at five key factors to consider when choosing
the ideal person for your life.
Are you a person who pleases people?
I consider myself a person who makes people happy. As for the joy and
satisfaction of others, I find myself rather yielding to their needs and
desires.
This is what makes me exhausted, exhausted, and unhappy at some point in my
life. It has to do with the fact that I didn't pay attention to my own needs
and needs. In other words, I was putting forward too much.
So are you a person who pleases people? Knowing about yourself is important,
but sometimes it can be difficult to be honest. The word "one who pleases" is
often associated with a negative connotation.
When we think of someone who pleases people, we see someone who changes their
identity to fit or make others happy. A person who basically lacks self-esteem
or a sense of self-identity.
But this doesn't necessarily seem to please people. There are several levels
of severity. In my case, I didn't give up my personality to fit in or appease
others. Instead, I did too much for others and too little for myself.
When you recognize these characteristics of yourself, you will understand how
important it is to set appropriate personal limits.
Being able to give myself to others for me still brings me a lot of
fulfillment and personal happiness. I am still a person who pleases people in
many ways. But I needed an honest, candid conversation about what was good for
me and what wasn't. I had to reward myself enough to be healthy, balanced, and
content.
One of the most important ways for me to strike a balance has been to be picky
about who to invest my time and energy in.
The problem is that there will be a lot of people who come and go in your
life. Going one step further, there will be people in your life who haven't
done anything that deserves your time and attention.
Of course, that doesn't mean they're scary people. But they are the ones who
may not get the maximum benefit from your efforts or may take it for granted.
Or, at worst, use your generosity.
These are people who should not sit in their personal space. If you start
choosing the people who choose you, you will have more time and energy for
yourself and for those who get the most from hard work, love, care and
compassion.
Important aspects of self-management
Self-care involves choosing individuals who care about you. What exactly is
self-care? In this case, we are simply talking about more than just personal
cleanliness and health.
It's true that taking care of our physical health can make us feel better, but
the emphasis here is on taking care of our inner being. Who we are as human
beings and how we interact with the world.
You must first fill your own cup before pouring it into someone else's cup.
Self-care is taking steps to improve your well-being, such as participating in
activities that relieve stress and make you feel good.
Think about what activities make you happy. Spending time with your favorite
activities, production, reading, meditation, and outdoor activities are all
examples.
The most important thing is to make time for yourself and actually do what you
love. It also requires some degree of mindfulness. That is, the ability to
recognize that you are taking care of yourself and do something to replenish
your battery.
So, what does choosing the right person have to do with self-care? If you
choose the wrong person in your life, you are effectively insulting yourself.
You are doing great harm to yourself.
Spending time with these people is not going to help you. The time and effort
you invest in satisfying them, being for them, and doing things for them can
drain your energy.
And they probably won't even notice because they didn't choose you.
Have you ever felt invisible around them? Most of the effort goes unnoticed?
Do you still feel completely unacceptable no matter what you do? These are all
red flags that such people will not help you on the road to happiness,
contentment and contentment.
On the other hand, your efforts and attention will be rewarded if they are
individuals who should be a part of your life. Your presence will reward,
appreciate, and benefit them.
You are theirs too.
Also keep in mind that this is about learning how to choose the individual who
chooses you. You don't always have to do anything to be welcome into their
life. Often you just have to accept what they have to offer. As a result, they
choose you first and you choose them.
Pay attention to yourself
Ironically, our way of figuring out who is best for us in our lives has more
to do with listening to ourselves than anything else.
It may seem contradictory, but it's important to listen to yourself when
choosing a person who chooses you. It is important to consider how you feel in
an existing relationship. Do these connections happen spontaneously? Or do you
need to ignore certain sensations or red flags?
For example, do these connections embarrass you, annoy you, or confuse you in
any way? Are you ignoring your doubts or worries, hoping that your
relationship will improve on its own? One of the first steps towards an
unhealthy version of pleasing people is to ignore your gut urges for
relationships.
You have a secret suspicion that something about friendship isn't right. There
is something about the way you feel, or the way they feel. That's what sends
you a message.
It's like you have a little red flag that says things aren't right. This small
indicator is generally worth paying attention to. It's not often that your
instincts are wrong. If you feel constantly around something that should have
meaning, that's a major red flag.
Those who welcome you with open arms are the ones who will feel comfortable
with people who behave the same whether you are there or not. It won't seem
like there's some sort of inside joke that you're not allowed to participate
in.
It's important to pay attention to yourself at this point. Watch closely how
you feel while you are with people in your life. Whether you're worried about
whether they'll choose you, or whether they'll choose you the same way you
chose them, sit back and listen.
Paying attention to your inner senses can give you amazing information.
How anxious are you now? Have you ever felt that you were an outsider no
matter how you act?
Have you ever felt unnoticed, ignored, or spoken to? It's too easy to overlook
this little detail. But the truth is, these fleeting feelings may be the most
important.
As you listen to yourself and your inner thoughts and learn how others respond
to your energies, it will become simpler for you to recognize individuals and
situations in which you are just tolerated.
Re-evaluation of the relationship
Reassessing your current connections is the next step in choosing the
individual who chooses you.
We've discussed the different parts of achieving this in the last few points,
especially when it comes to knowing yourself, developing good self-management,
and learning about your limits. However, it is important to take a closer look
at each current relationship.
This contemplation will be very helpful in finding those who choose you -
those who truly want you in life. Let's take a look at some of the best
practices for reevaluation and their entailments.
Two-way roads underpin all partnerships. Be sure to mix the push and pull
well. Both can benefit. In other words, it must be interactive.
Each relationship is unique and there are times when the partnership offers so
much more than the other. In my experience, I am more likely to help others
than they help me. However, this depends on the nature of the connection.
Sometimes the friends who give me more than I can offer are my closest and
dearest. There will always be pushes and pulls. The argument is that each
person and relationship is unique. There is a saying that goes, "Go where you
approve. It is not tolerated."
If you are a person who is always impatient or afraid to make mistakes, then
you are probably not the type of person who will accept you as you are.
Conclusion:
I've talked throughout this essay about the need to set limits when choosing
people who choose you. However, it needs its own paragraph as it is a very
important component of finding and maintaining good relationships. Setting
boundaries is an important part of any good relationship, be it friendship,
love, family, work, or anything else. It's important to set limits, especially
if you want to maintain good relationships with those who choose you. In
either case, you need to make time for yourself, your interests, and your
mental well-being. Other people, other responsibilities, occupations, etc.,
are assumed unless you decide for yourself. As a result, be careful about
setting personal limits when choosing the people who choose you.
